I am at a point in my relationship with my girlfriend where I either have to ask her to marry me or break up with her. It's been 3 years and I can sense her starting to put space between us. I have never been able to be faithful to anyone in my life. With her I have tried really hard--with mixed results. I really don't want to lose her, but I'm afraid if we move into the same space I will feel like a trapped animal and will act out. What should I do?
--Trapped Animal
Dear Trapped,
Momofuku Ando once stayed at Manpukuji, an Obakushu Zen temple near Uji City. In his book Praise the Appetite, he wrote the following about his visit:
Mankind is an animal with deep desires. The feeling of "enough" is unknown to him. It's certainly that way with food. At the temple, the 60th-generation head monk told me "In Zen, a great meal is when we run around outside the grounds finding ingredients to put on the table. These days, too many people just run around the supermarket." [After a meal of vegetarian eel and tofu], we sat zazen. As instructed, I straightened my back and breathed with my eyes half-open. Suddenly, the phrase "知足心和" appeared in my mind. It means that if we stop to recognize that we are full, cravings go away, and a feeling of gratefulness takes over.
Of course, stopping to recognize you are already "full" is not easy. The monks spend every moment doing it, and they often fail.
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